Pedophilia Isn't My Thing
by YumeMusouka
Summary: Levi didn't understand what he was feeling as he stared at the green eyed three year old brat. But what he did know was that he WAS NOT a pedophile. Though he wasn't too sure of himself... (No real pedophilia)


**Heyyy... remember me? LOL, probably not. I'm on break from college and my boyfriend (he requires too much attention... well, i do too), so I decided to write a mini series I always wanted to write. I hope that those who know me didn't mind me being gone for so long. But honestly, after my senior year of high school, I found it hard to write, even though I really wanted to. My apologizes to everyone. Honestly, I am so nervous about this work, but I hope everyone likes it.**

How the fuck did I get into this situation? This brat wouldn't leave me the fuck alone. Even when I was being mean to him, he still came crawling back. And I meant literally. He'd bawl his eyes out and cry my name, telling me not to leave even though we had just met. He was a fuckin' menace.

I blamed that stupid four eyes. Apparently, she just had to meet her professor's friend. Who was a doctor going by the name Grisha Jaeger. Hanji couldn't go and meet the man by herself, because she was too nervous. Which had to be lie, because she was fuckin' Hanji Zoë. Also known as the four eyes who didn't understand what personal space was. Nevertheless, she dragged me with her to meet the doctor at his house.

Little did I know that the man had a son named Eren fuckin' Jaeger. A three year old brat that talked more than he should. A three year old brat that felt feelings too soon for him. A three year old brat that was persistent as hell. A three year old brat that would probably grow up to be a suicidal idiot.

That specific brat was looking up at me from the ground. He was trapped because I had put him in his playpen for being annoying. He frowned at me while I gave him a hard glare. He threw up his little fists and pouted.

"Ged me oudda here!" he screamed at me from behind his walls. "I wanna be furee!"

"No," I told him. Eren inhaled air with frustration.

"Y-… you're just… a bwig stwupid tiden! I hate you!" he exclaimed. I couldn't help but laugh at that. The kid just called me a titan and I was only 5'3". Yes, I was a short mother fucker.

I turned away from the boy. I really needed to leave, but I couldn't without telling someone to watch the stupid kid. Before I could walk away, I heard a sad cry. I turned back to see Eren in tears.

"Dwon't leabe me! I sorrwie… hic… you're not stwupid or a tiden!" the brunette kid bawled. His body was pressed to the wall of his playpen. He had his arms stretched out towards me. His tears were all over his face. "Lebi!"

Goddamn it! I was a heartless asshole, but the brat's crying face was getting to me. I wasn't going to just leave him. I sighed before I walked back to him. I picked him up and he immediately clutched onto me. He cried as I rubbed his back to comfort him.

"I'm sorry," I apologized to him.

"I… hic… wuv lebi! You hafta stay wid me," the brat ordered me.

God, this brat was annoying! I carried him to the couch and sat down. He stayed on my lap. After awhile, he looked up at with his red eyes. I pinched his chubby cheek. He yelped and complain.

"Owwie! You can't do dat to your fwuture wifey," Eren pouted.

"Brat, do you understand that you're a boy?" I questioned his intelligence.

"Of course! Wanna see my peepee?" the brunette boy attempted to take his clothes off. I immediately stopped him. I wasn't a fuckin' pedophile.

"I believe you, idiot. Now… do you know what it means to be a 'wife?'" I inquired.

"It means dat you'll take care of me forever, becwause you wuv me!" Eren held his hands to his cheeks in embarrassment. For a second, I felt my heart skip a beat. No, I was not a fuckin' PEDOPHILE!

"Who says I want to take care of you?" I put my hands on the boy, so that he wouldn't attempted to get up and take his clothes off again.

"Bwut… don't ya wuv me?" Tears started to form in the boy's red eyes. I took a deep breathe to ease my frustration. I decided to just give in to the brat. He was only three, so he wouldn't remember anything at all.

"Yes, I love you," I pinched his right cheek.

Eren pouted and rubbed his chubby cheek. He blushed and smiled. He wrapped his small arms about my neck and kissed my cheek with his wet lips. He pulled away and then squeezed himself into my lap. Surprisingly, I didn't cringe at all.

"Aww! Levi! You and Eren are so cute!" Hanji screamed as she walked in.

"I'm surprise that he likes you. He's usually suspicious of strangers," Dr. Jaeger informed me.

"Yea, no kidding. He doesn't like me at all!" Hanji exclaimed as she held out her arms for Eren.

Eren looked at Hanji, who had on her signature crazy face on, and then looked back at me. While holding on to me, he looked back at Hanji. He scooted his body closer into my arms as possible. He stuck his lower lip out in a pout.

"Eren! Why won't you play with me?!" Hanji asked.

"No~!" Eren whined and teared up.

"Please~?" Hanji whined back while holding out her hand to the brat.

"NO!" Eren exclaimed as he gently pushed Hanji's hand away. I felt myself trying to not laugh. The kid was a rude one.

"Eren, be nice. I apologize, Eren really doesn't like strangers. But, he'll get used to you soon enough," Dr. Grisha told Hanji. He turned his attention to me. "Thank you for playing with him."

"It's fine, he is a little whiney though," I replied.

"Daddy!" Eren smiled as he grabbed my arm to wrap himself with. "I'm gonna be Lebi's wifey!"

"What?" Dr. Grisha questioned with a shocked expression. The doctor slowly laughed to himself. It wasn't everyday that your three year old son says that he wants to marry a man who was nineteen years older than said son. "Um… I'm not so sure about that."

"But… I wanna," Eren pouted and teared up for his daddy to look at him with guilt. The brat was very skilled, because Grisha was left speechless and couldn't deny his son.

"Maybe if you still want to when you're an adult and Levi agrees to it," Grisha replied.

"Yay!" Eren giggled into his hands.

The doctor mouthed a "sorry" to me and I nodded, telling him that it was fine. I stared at the little shit on my lap. He looked at me with questioning eyes. I responded by patting his head. Somehow I felt as if this "promise" would come back haunt me.

"OH MY GOD! He is so precious! I'm jealous of you Levi!" Hanji screeched.

"He's freaking three, calm yourself," I filtered myself even though I wanted to choke her so fucking much.

"Eren! I promise to make Levi play with you all the time if you let me hold you," Shitty four eyes bribed the kid.

Eren pouted and stared at four eyes. He thought to himself with a very tensed face. He looked so constipated. After his thinking, he slowly reached out his hands to Hanji. I could not believe that he got bribed with me as fucking bait. He was making me a fucking pedophile in name. Hanji squealed and picked up the boy. She threw him up the air a couple of times and spun around more than necessary.

"Waaah! Hehehehe!" Eren giggled, excited from the feeling of nearly falling.

"Aww! You are so cute Eren! You'll make a wonderful bride!" Hanji exclaimed.

I rolled my eyes and checked my phone since it vibrated. I got a text from Commander Eyebrows telling me and Hanji to not be late for fucking greasey ass pizza with the rest of the crew. I replied that we were coming soon and then locked my phone. I looked up to see shitty four eyes put Eren on the ground. The brat held up his arms as if wanting to be thrown up again. Hanji was complaining how tired she was.

"Hanji, Erwin said to not be late, and if we're gonna do that then we have to leave now," I told the shitfest.

"Okay," Hanji replied. She turned to Eren. "Bye bye Eren, it was nice meeting you. Levi and I have to go now." Eren nodded and she then turned to Grisha to have a conversation.

The brat walked his way up to me as I stood up. He lifted his arms, wanting me to pick him up. I relented and grabbed the brat to hold him in my arms. The little shit hugged me so fucking tight, I would think he was trying to choke me.

"Bye brat," I said once he pulled away to look at me.

"Hmm…" Eren teared up. "Do you hafta go?"

"I already made plans with my friend, Erwin," I tried to reason with him. I felt so ashamed to admit that Eyebrows was my friend, but it was true nevertheless. The brat pouted, and I wanted to shoot myself. Damn brats and their way with tears. Faintly, I heard the sound of a camera clicking, but I ignored it in favor of appeasing the brat.

"Who is dis Erbwin? I don't like! I hate him!" Eren exclaimed as tears fell.

"Hey, it's okay. He's just my friend," I reiterated.

"No! Lebi's cheating on me!" He screamed as he cried. "Even doe… evwen doe Eren wuvs him da most."

I had no idea where the fuck the brat learned about infidelity, but he knows it. I looked towards Grisha, but he shook his head as if not knowing what to do either. I pursed my lips and squeezed my eyes shut. What the fuck was I supposed to say in response to that? I took a deep breath and sighed. Whatever I say will probably haunt me either way. It was probably best to not mess with the little beast and just say what he wanted to hear.

"Eren, I love you too. I'll come back, I promise. I'll always come back," I tried to relax him.

"Weely?" Eren questioned with a pout. His huge eyes were glistened by tears. The sight made my heart skip a beat. NO! FUCK NO!

"Really," I assured him, ignoring my own thoughts.

"You pro~ mise?" Eren asked as he looked at me endearingly. I nodded. "Then pinky swear!" He held out his pinky and then I swore to him. "Yay! I wuv you so much Lebi! Kiss!" I reluctantly accepted his kiss on my cheek.

I was about to put the brat down, but he stared at me as if trying to burn a hole through me. He poked his chubby cheeks as a sign. I had to admit, he was cute as fuck. As much as I didn't want to kiss his cheek, I did want to at the same time. GODDAMN! No, no, no, Levi, three year olds are not in your area of expertise. But… he was going to be a fine piece of ass when he grew up. Maybe, just maybe… he could keep him around. Goddamnit… I was fucked. I was fucked and fucked up.

Remembering that Eren wanted a kiss, I stopped conversing with myself in my head. I quickly pecked his cheek. The little shit giggled happily and gave me one final hug. I walked over to four eyes and Grisha. I handed Grisha his son and thanked him for the hospitality. As we walked out the door to the car, Eren waved and I gave a small wave back. The moment the doors of the cars closed us in, shitty fucking glasses screamed.

"Can you fucking not?!" I screamed over her goddamn loud as voice.

"But! He was so cute! YOU were so cute! Oh my gawd! I got that last bit on video," Hanji told me.

"What the actual fuck? You better fucking delete it," I growled.

"Nuh uh, no can do my little Grumpy," she cooed at me.

"Stop calling me that. I'm not a fucking dwarf," I gritted my teeth. I fucking hated that nickname. Bitch has been calling me that since we first met.

"Oh, but you are, sweetie. You're just a little Grumpy and Eren has become your Snow White," Hanji laughed as she started the car.

"That means that I don't fucking get with him, shitfest," I clarified.

"So you admit that you want to end up with him," Hanji replied as if it was a statement. The fucking bitch tricked me. "I can't wait to tell Erwin and everyone else! They are gonna love it!"

"You fucking bitch! I don't understand why we're friends!" I screamed in defeat. I sat back and looked out the window. I couldn't handle that shit anymore. Its fucking scent was becoming too fucking much.

"It's because you love me," Hanji laughed maniacally to herself as she drove.

That night became the night where I was forever known as the Grumpy Knight. Really… fuck everyone and their fucking eyebrows, especially Erwin's. But of course not Eren's, because he was too cute for that.

 **Thanks for reading! :D**

 **Well... knowing myself, I know that if I continue to write, what stories I will do will be very random. But honestly, I think I want to update on The Cutie and The Hottie first. So look forward to that. Also, this little story you just read will be finish by this oncoming Sunday.**


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